What It’s Like to Be A Widow

Never did I imagine I'd be calling myself a widow at 43. Nearly four years later, the term still feels foreign to me.

When you lose a spouse, your partner, the person you thought you'd be spending the rest of your life with, it leaves you feeling confused, empty, lost. In some instances, you don't know what to do so you keep doing what you've always done - in some ways, perhaps that's considered denial. In some cases, widows/ers can't function, they don't know how to keep going and shut down and those around them don't know how to help or what to say, so they do neither.

I've been a part of an organization called the W Connection for the past year, one that was previously NY-based but has fortunately and unfortunately now grown over the pandemic virtually. Not sure why I sought out ways to join a community I so desperately didn't want to be a part of in the first place when I did, but helping other widows move forward has been a rewarding part of the past year.

I've met women who, like me, lost their spouses suddenly, or were witness to long battles with cancer or disease as a caretaker and supporter, women who lost their spouse to COVID, unable to even spend those last days with them.

Seeing women ahead of themselves in this journey gives them hope, it offers a safe space to speak freely and comfortably with strangers who understand their pain. The power of common connection is pretty amazing, albeit under these circumstances.

If you encounter someone who's lost a spouse, or really anyone close to them for that matter, remember that what they need sometimes is just someone to listen, understanding, encouragement - even if not in the traditional ways. And don't be afraid to talk about the person who's gone. It may seem taboo but allowing the memory of that person to live on and celebrate memories and laughs is comforting, even if it may come with tears.